Do you still keep in touch with friends from past times in your life?

Reflecting on friendships from various chapters of our lives - elementary school, high school, college, post-college and mom-life, there are some friendships that naturally endure the test of time and distance, some that we’ve let go of and others that formed later in life in the most rewarding ways. As Rebecca and Ashley describe, it can take years to fully understand the meaning and significance of a good friend and just what it means to show up well for each other when life gets messy. Read on to hear how we’ve learned (and continue to learn) to navigate friendships from different chapters.

Ali, Book Aficionado from @The BookClubCart

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Kim, Interior Designer from @Reverie.and.Root & Founder of Spilling Goodness

Staying in touch with friends from past times feels both very challenging and super simple. If I'm being totally honest, this is one of the reasons I geniuenly enjoy social media. I've reconnected with grade school friends, stay in touch with some pretty amazing former collegues and love a good college group DM with some seriousness, but mostly relatable reels. At the same time, really connecting IRL, is a lot harder. And, this is something I'd like to make a more concerted effort to make happen more often.

Here are a few things that have helped over the years:

College friends all met in a central location

• Truth-be-told, Jen is one of my best friends from high school. We visited each other both in college and in medical school and we always pick up right where we left off. We were the maid/ matron of honor in each other's weddings and while it has been a MINUTE since we've seen each other in person, here we are in The Tea together.

• After college it was easy to see our group of friends as the weddings and then baby showers hit the calendar. We always made the effort to travel for each other and they are still "my people."

• Also with college friends, for a few years one person would plan a surprise trip and we'd all get together in a revealed destination to catch up. The geography didn't really matter- we could chat indefinitely anywhere. As lives got more complicated, this idea faded, although I'd love to bring it back!

• For my mom village of dearest friends and neighbors from the itty bitty phase, we stay connected with annual events. My family moved 2 miles off of our beloved street 9 years ago and while this isn't far at all, my kids switched schools, so our daily lives no longer overlapped. With an amazing planner in our group (Rebecca!), we look forward to an annual holiday outing and a progressive dinner party.

Jen, Bespoke Travel Planner from @GlobalOnDemandTravel

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Rebecca, Woman's Leadership Coach from @PleasantlyAggressive

I feel like a collector of friends and connections. I love meeting new people almost as much as I love making time for my most meaningful friendships.

It took me many years to fully understand the meaning of a good friend. I had a lot of high school friendships that turned out to be unhealthy. And while we shared a lot of memories, I don’t believe I was my best self when I was with them. Letting go of those relationships was hard, but it made space for a lot of the friendships I have today.

I lived at home and commuted to college while working full-time. I didn’t have the typical college experience and that also meant I didn’t make a lot of new friends in college like so many people do.

I have one or two friends from each era that I stay connected to. But, it’s important to me that it doesn’t feel like an obligation. If it does, that might mean the relationship has run its course and that’s okay! My friendship needs have certainly changed as have what I’m able to give someone in return.

My adult friendships - the ones I've made in the last 15 years - have been some of the most rewarding. We've been through the trenches of parenting together our families are intertwined in the most beautiful ways.

Ashley, Millennial Mom Nutrition Coach from @AshleyBreaksTheCycle

This is actually a tricky question for me because, if I’m being completely transparent, I’ve had a pretty tumultuous history when it comes to friendships and friendship circles.

The short answer? Not really. And honestly, it’s one of my biggest regrets.

Growing up, I switched schools FIVE times. Five! So just when I was getting settled, making friends, finding my people, I was off to another school where I had to start all over again.

Between trying to make new friends, keep up with academics, play sports, and just figure out where I fit in, staying connected with old friends wasn’t exactly my strong suit.

And I feel badly about that. I really do.

College started out great but ended with some really difficult times. Thankfully, I came out of those years with a few wonderful friendships that became the foundation of my social circle in my 20's.

And let me tell you, my post-college years living outside of DC were some of the BEST years of my life. So much of that was because of the friendships I had. We had the best time together, and I have so many memories from those years that I’ll always cherish.

But then I moved back home to Massachusetts, started building a life here, and unfortunately, history repeated itself.

I wasn’t great at keeping in touch. Other things happened along the way, too, and eventually, those friendships faded to the point where I really don’t talk to most of those people anymore.

And I know that’s not uncommon. People get married, have babies, move, change jobs, build careers, and suddenly the people you once spent every weekend with become people you haven’t spoken to in years.

We’re all just out here lifing.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t wish some things had turned out differently.

Since moving back, I’ve had friendships come and go through every season of motherhood. Preschool moms, hockey moms, gym friends, neighborhood friends. Some have lasted, some haven’t, and a few old friendships have even found their way back into my life, which has been really special.

I’ve also experienced some pretty painful friendship endings. The kind that leave scars, make you question yourself, and sometimes make it harder to trust people again.

I’m sure there’s plenty there I could unpack in therapy. 😂

But here’s what I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older.

I don’t need a huge circle of friends. I need a circle of people I can trust.

People who love me for who I am. People who don’t expect me to be perfect. People who can hear me on a bad day, see me at my worst, and not immediately decide the grass is greener somewhere else.

People who don’t judge me based on one conversation, one mistake, or one difficult season of life.

And I want to be that person for them, too.

I want to show up. I want to check in. I want to celebrate their kids, support their families, be there when life gets hard, and make sure they know how much they mean to me.

Because I’ve learned the hard way that good friends and genuinely good people are not always easy to come by.

I still have regrets about friendships I didn’t nurture enough and hurt from friendships that didn’t end the way I hoped.

But I’m also trying not to let those experiences dictate how I show up in the friendships I have today.

Instead, I’m focusing on being the kind of friend I would want in my own life.

And to the friends who have stuck by me through the hard times, loved me when I wasn’t necessarily the easiest person to love, listened without judgment, and continued to choose our friendship even when life got messy…

You know who you are.

I love you, and I don’t take you for granted.

XOXO ❤️