How do you manage mom guilt?

Defining just exactly what mom guilt feels like isn't as easy as it sounds. Many sources note that it is a nagging feeling that you're not doing enough or being enough as a mom. Other sources note that it is the feeling of not living up to the expectations in our role as "mom." Perhaps it feels like you're being pulled in different directions and have a hard time knowing if we're doing it "right." With all the thoughts that follow, you'll see how we have struggled, done the work and put mom guilt aside as we sort what expectations actually matter to us, what doing enough actually means to our kids and what a better barometer for "right" may entail. We're glad you're here. As Rebecca explains what helped her, "Having a group of honest, vulnerable mom friends who shared the good, the bad, and the ugly and showed me NO ONE has it figured out." Read on for a glimpse of how we manage and move on from the mom guilt.

Rebecca, Woman's Leadership Coach from @PleasantlyAggressive

I struggled for many years to figure out WHAT kind of parent I wanted to be, and then I had to figure out HOW to be that parent. I was very self-critical and often compared myself to other moms who seemed to have it all figured out. What helped? Having a group of honest, vulnerable mom friends who shared the good, the bad, and the ugly and showed me NO ONE has it figured out. They shared their kids' diagnoses, their kids' big mistakes, their grief over journeys they never expected, and, of course, the joy of triumphs. I’ve continued to recognize that there are rarely good and bad moms, and certainly no perfect moms. There are too many variables in each of our lives to judge one another. So, while judging other parents has become a spectator sport, I reject the notion that I have to participate. If I get curious and not judgmental towards other moms, I’m giving myself the same grace.

I don’t really care what strangers or acquaintances think of my parenting. But I do want to be open to honest conversations with friends and loved ones about how I can be a better parent. I’ve had a few excellent mom-mentors who have both reassured me and guided me when I was lost. They made all the difference.

Ashley, Millennial Mom Nutrition Coach from @AshleyBreaksTheCycle

Mom guilt and I have a complicated relationship.

The only time it really shows up for me is when I’m overtired or overstimulated and I snap. It happens, an f-bomb may or may not slip out, and then I apologize because that’s not the mom I want to be. But we repair, we move on, and I think there’s actually something valuable in my kids seeing that adults mess up and own it.

Beyond that I’ve done a lot of work to let go of the guilt that doesn’t serve me. I value my alone time and I protect it. My kids know that mom needs a minute sometimes, and that’s not a bad thing for them to learn. I can’t be at two games at once, so I do what I can and lean on the incredible village of family we’re lucky enough to have around us! And going away without the kids used to wreck me when they were babies. Now that they’re older and I can shoot them a text or jump on a call, I come back a better mom for having taken the space.

The “off” button doesn’t exist in motherhood, we all know that! But guilt is only useful if it’s pointing you toward something worth changing. The rest of it I try to leave at the door. 🤷‍♀️

Ali, Book Aficionado from @The BookClubCart

For me, a lot of mom guilt stems from comparison—seeing what other moms do with their children and measuring myself against those expectations. I’ve also realized that many of the expectations I place on myself are far greater than the expectations my kids have of me. It has taken me a long time to understand that while I often create an ideal picture of what motherhood should look like, what my children truly need most is my presence.

Being a mom is one of the greatest honors, but it also carries a tremendous amount of responsibility. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that in order to be the best mom I can be, I sometimes need to prioritize myself, my home, or other important responsibilities.

Years ago, after attending a leadership training course, my husband shared a lesson that has stayed with me: you can’t be the best version of yourself for others if you aren’t investing in yourself first.

Sometimes that means choosing a workout, meeting a friend for lunch, taking a nap, or simply saying, “Not right now,” instead of immediately dropping everything for my children’s wants.

Taking care of myself doesn’t make me a selfish mom—it helps me show up as a better one. And when the guilt starts to creep in, I remind myself that my kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a healthy, present, and fully engaged one.

Kim, Home Connoisseur from @Reverie.and.Root & Founder of Spilling Goodness

Managing mom guilt - that's a tough one. While I've wrestled with mom guilt for years and still do from time to time (especially in the summer), I do feel l like I can manage it vs. it managing me. And, it usually comes back to a few things. Deep down, I know that I'm doing the best I can - and, the "balance" flutuates. I'm trying to model how I'd want my children to treat themselves. And, if I can't chase dreams, dedicate time to important relationships and prioritize my health, how do I expect them to learn how to do the same?

As I was writing this, my daughter came around the corner and asked about plans for the day. I joked that I was writing about mom guilt while experiencing it. She asked what is "mom guilt" and we talked about it briefly. To which she said, "We're doing our thing. You should do your thing." And, while that boils it down pretty succinctly, I want them to know what "thing" makes them happy and have the confidence to do it. So, here I am continuing to do "my thing" while also fielding questions about if she can borrow cotton rounds and if we can go to Target. Yes, yes, and yes.

Jen, Bespoke Travel Planner from @GlobalOnDemandTravel

I don't spend much time feeling mom guilt because I've learned that perfection isn't realistic, especially at this stage of life. Between working two jobs and raising three kids who are all involved in multiple sports and activities, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to do everything myself. My kids know I work hard, they know my schedule isn't always flexible, and they know that I show up whenever and however I can. What matters most to me is that when I'm with them, I'm present, engaged, and paying attention. I believe those moments carry far more weight than trying to be available every minute of every day.

I believe that being a good mom isn't about doing everything yourself. It's about creating a loving, supportive home while teaching your kids responsibility, resilience, and teamwork. If my children feel loved, supported, and secure, then I know I'm doing my job.

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How do you manage mom guilt?