How do you support a friend who is going through a challenging time?

Showing up for a friend rain or shine matters. When we can lend support, lighten a load, help someone feel less alone, seen or carried by their community when things are difficult, it can mean a lot - even if we feel powerless to help fix the challenge. But, in those moments, it can be hard to know what to do, how to help and what will matter most. As Rebecca describes, "Asking what people need rarely results in a clear answer, mostly because it’s extra work for them to tell you what they need." And, she goes on to share ideas for friends near and far. Jen reminds us that, "The real impact comes when you show up in week three, week six, month three—long after the messages stop and life moves on for everyone else. That’s when presence matters most." Read on to hear ideas that we've turned to support our dearest friends.

Jen, Bespoke Travel Designer from @GlobalonDemandTravel

Showing up for friends during hard times isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic moments—it’s in the quiet, steady presence that says, “I’ve got you.” It’s picking up their kids from soccer so they can have one less thing to juggle, dropping off pre-packed school lunches so they don’t have to think, or sitting beside them in a waiting room so they don’t feel alone. These small acts don’t need a spotlight. They speak volumes without saying a word. The magic is in doing what needs to be done, without being asked, and without making it about you.

Most people offer support in the first days or weeks after something hard happens—but that’s often just the beginning of someone’s struggle. The real impact comes when you show up in week three, week six, month three—long after the messages stop and life moves on for everyone else. That’s when presence matters most. To quietly stay, to remember, to still care—that’s the kind of friendship that truly holds someone together when things fall apart.

Rebecca, Woman's Leadership Coach from @PleasantlyAggressive

Watching friends go through grief, difficult medical situations, tragedies, or just the weight of life can make us feel helpless.

Asking what people need rarely results in a clear answer, mostly because it’s extra work for them to tell you what they need.

When in doubt, it’s the thought that counts. A handwritten note, a small gift, and a little levity can remind people that they are cared for.

Here are a few things that seem to work:

If they’re nearby:

A freezer meal, like meatballs or chili, that can be rewarmed when it makes sense for them.

I love to bake, so I’ve been known to bring a homemade cheesecake or a plate of cookies. It’s frivolous, but it’s also not something they’re going to do for themselves in times of strife.

If they’re far away:

Uber Eats gift cards, which you can text to them for ease of use. I love that they can get food, groceries, or really anything without leaving the house.

When our friends' newborn was in the NICU, they had to drive 45 minutes each way every day to see the baby. We sent gas cards, which felt impersonal but useful. They told us years later that it meant the world to them because it felt like we were helping drive them to the hospital.

Flowers are pricey, but always seem to be welcome. I recently sent some to a family member, and I wrote in the card, “Flowers won’t make this situation any better, but they certainly can’t make it any worse. This sucks and I love you.”

There is no gesture too small, including a text message that says, “Thinking of you. Sending love. No need to respond.”

Ashley, Millennial Mom Nutrition Coach from @AshleyBreaksTheCycle

When someone I care about is going through something tough, my instinct is to show up with food. A warm soup, a homemade meal, or a little note goes a long way. There’s something about feeding someone that feels like love.

Our town is really special in that way. We rally hard when someone needs help. Whether it’s a meal train, a GoFundMe, rides for kids, or just checking in, even people who don’t know the family will jump in to help. It’s community at its best.

But I’ve also learned that not everyone wants help that loudly. Some people are private with their struggles. For them, the best thing you can do is quietly drop off food, or just listen.

Through my six years in Al-Anon, I’ve learned that listening *really listening* is one of the greatest gifts you can give. You don’t need to fix it, or offer advice, or try to make it better. Most of the time, people just need to feel heard.

That’s it. Listen. Feed them. Love them. It’s enough.

Emilee, Book Aficionado from @The BookClubCart

The last couple years, I have given and received various forms of gift baskets. Never over the top, but just a few items to let them know I care. Last year, a friend and I put together a gift basket to gift to someone close to us. We added in items that we knew she would love (ie candies, beauty items, skincare). We left it on her front porch. I received something similar and it was so touching and felt so personal.

I am fortunate to have remained close with my college girlfriends. Over the last few years, we have all experienced some kind of loss. It has become a special tradition to send flowers to each other from our group in these circumstance. None of us live near eachother so it’s our special way of showing our support. Last year our friend lost her brother and we all went to the funeral together to show up for her.

Supporting friends can show up in many different ways. Sometimes just going on a walk with a friend (my fav!) is the best way to connect and listen.

Ali, Book Aficionado from @The BookClubCart

This is such a great question! Showing up for the people we care about when life gets hard is so important. But I also believe that showing up when life is good matters just as much.

I’ve been so lucky to have wonderful friends who’ve lifted my spirits during tough times — dropping off baskets filled with my favorite things, surprising me with my go-to coffee order, bringing meals, and even creating care packages for my whole family. Those small gestures have meant the absolute world to me.

But I also want to be the kind of friend who shows up to celebrate the WINS. The big ones, the little ones, and everything in between. We so often focus on being there through the struggles that we forget how meaningful it is to celebrate the joy, too. Life’s happiest moments deserve to be shared — guilt-free and wholeheartedly.

Kim, Home Connoisseur from @Reverie.and.Root & Founder of Spilling Goodness

When a dear friend or family member is going through something difficult, it can be hard to know how to help. Especially because, often times, there isn't anything you can do to actually fix the situation. But, what makes anything less hard, is knowing that you're not alone it the awful thick of it. So, I try to think of ways to show up for that person that are meaningful to them and help them feel surrounded by love. This varies by the situation and the person and I do believe it is the thought and prescense that matters most.

Recently, I sent flowers to a dear friend grieving a loss in another state. I knew her favorite flowers (and confirmed them when an instagram dive) and special ordered a bouquet of those specific flowers.

We made cookies for a neighbor who lost a parent, popped over with flowers and gave hugs are the memorial service.

When a co-worker and friend lost a parent, I sent her a journal with stars on it as they held special meaning to her. In this instance, while I would see her at the office, I sent the package with a note to her home. I knew she would be doing all she could to stay composed at work and I was hoping that by sending it to her at home, she could feel all the feels. She later shared that she planned to record specific memories in the journal and more than anything she just appreciated the gesture.

Last, but not least, the "thinking of you" note matters. I always hope this helps the friend feel my support, even it if it is just a quiet message that pops up on their phone.

Quick personal story if you made it all the way to this point - 13 years ago, I had a miscarriage. Rebecca was my neighbor at the time and came by with a homemade cheesecake. I cried, I felt seen and I loved every single bite. It was something to look forward to in a pretty crappy time. I still remember the thoughtfulness and when I look back on that experience, I'm still touched by the support I felt from my inner circle.

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How do you support a friend who is going through a challenging time?